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Transgender Teen Survival Guide

We are a blog created for people of all ages who have questions concerning their gender identity. Read our FAQ here!

Transgender is an umbrella term that is inclusive of, but not limited to (nor forced upon), trans women, trans men, non-binary people, genderfluid people, genderqueer people, agender people, and anyone who doesn't identify as the gender assigned to them at birth.

questingqueer:

What is packing? 

Packing is when a person without a large biological penis wears something in their pants in order to mimic the appearance or function of having a penis or a larger penis.

Usually, trans-masculine people pack but anyone is allowed to and able to if they are interested in doing so (despite the language in the links which is geared towards trans guys). Some people just aren’t interested in any of this; that’s totally ok and vald.

To be quite honest, packing usually doesn’t make or break passing, if passing is something you care about. You don’t have to pack to pass as a guy in most circumstances! In general, if you aren’t swimming in a speedo, peeing at a urinal, changing in front of others, or getting groped/felt up, people won’t notice if you don’t have a penis. Packing doesn’t help everyone’s dysphoria either; some people find that it can make them feel worse, because they’re more aware of the part that they’re “missing”. 

What do I want? 

Soft packer: Used for packing to get a bit of a bulge and alleviate dysphoria, typically looks like a penis and is sometimes worn in a harness. Often needs to have cornstarch put on it so it isn’t tacky

Stand to pee (STP) device: Used to stand to pee, may be more funnel shaped or “slide” shaped than penis shaped.

Dildo: Used to penetrate another person when having sex; can be worn in a harness. People call packing with a dildo “packing hard”.

(Read the links! They go way more in depth than this post.)

Before rushing into a purchase, it’s important to consider what you’re looking for. You may be able to make a basic packer or STP yourself. That can save you money, and help you decide if you want to purchase a product.

Single-function items that are either just for packing, just for peeing, or just for sex are often less expensive than multiple function ones. If only one aspect bothers you, like if you only want to be able to pee standing up, then looking at only STP devices would be a good place to start, for example. 

If you’re looking for something that can be used to pack and have sex with, or pack and pee with, or pack, pee, and have sex with, the price starts to rise (if you aren’t making something yourself and you’re buying something). 

Choosing the size of your packer

I’m making this a whole section because I have very strong feelings on this issue, and I think that younger trans folk don’t always have realistic size expectations. Let’s say you’ve decided you’re going to buy a soft packer. You’re looking at the different models online. You’ve chosen one, and now you need to pick a size. 

If you are packing without the intention of having sex with your packer, you want it to look like a flaccid penis, not an erection. There’s a lot of pressure to have a big ol’ dick, but I want you to know that it is not what most cis men with penises have in their pants. Yes, 3.5 inches is the average flaccid penis size- this means that about half of all men have a flaccid penis that’s a bit bigger, and half have a flaccid penis that’s a bit smaller. 

Everyone’s got a different penis, and it’s okay if you’re bigger or smaller than average, but I think it’s extremely important to be aware of what the average is so you are making a conscientious choice to go bigger or smaller. 

Penises get larger when they’re erect, so if you’re getting a dildo or a hard packer, you should consider if you want to go larger or not, but if you’re just soft packing, I want you to take a moment and think about it; I know your instinct is to go for a medium or large sized packer, but the labeling is deceiving. What packer companies label as “small” is usually the average size flaccid penis; “medium” is usually bigger than average. It’s harder to pack with a larger packer than it is with a smaller packer, larger packers are often more expensive than smaller ones, and large packers are often not realistically flaccid lengths and look like hard-ons. I’m writing this to help out my fellow young trans people who may not have seen a penis IRL and automatically assume that the “medium” packer size is the same thing as the average/medium penis size.

I’m not saying that no cis men have large flaccid penises; that isn’t true. I am saying that the media makes it seem like men on average have larger penises than they do. Men in porn usually have larger than average size penises, and they’re usually erect, which means they’re sometimes double the length of the flaccid penis. Because society makes having a larger penis seem enviable, men sometimes overstate the size of their penis if you ask them because they’re worried that their penis is small. Small penis jokes made to emasculate men continue to perpetrate the myth of the Ubiquitous Large Dick because nobody wants to admit that their penis is small. Let’s have some radical body acceptance up in here and say that it’s okay to have whatever size penis or packer you have, and it doesn’t make you unmanly to have a small one, or extra-masculine to have a large one. 

If you’re still a bit confused, I want you to look at a ruler. Stop reading this post, get up, get a ruler, and come back. Okay? Now measure out the length of the average flaccid penis. Three and a half inches. Look at it. Now look at the length of the packer you were considering buying. How different is it? This is an activity to make you more mindful of what size is average. 

Pay attention to the the junk of the guys you see in the street and who you interact with on the daily. Chances are you can hardly notice a dick print, especially if you’re at work or at school. Even checking out the the Nude standing men gallery on Wikipedia, or pictures on jeans websites of men wearing jeans is somewhere to start getting an idea of what you’re aiming for.

Below is a paragraph from Hudson’s FTM guide saying the same thing:

“In order to see what male anatomy tends to look like in underwear, in swim trunks, or jeans or slacks, it can be helpful to look at men’s clothing catalogs or internet retailers of menswear or men’s underwear– this way, you can stare as much as you want at guys’ crotches without having to worry about offending or upsetting anyone. The web site www.erectionphotos.com has a “soft/hard” section, showing penises in both flaccid and erect states. It shows variation in the size and shape of men’s penises, and shows men of varying body types and ages. Searching the web for “flaccid penis photos” will yield other results as well. Just keep in mind while you are looking that the average length for a flaccid penis tends to be just over 3 inches, and that the men you see in most porn sites and movies will tend to be very well-endowed, and will usually be shown while erect.”

I’m trying to save you from falling into the trap of buying a big dick for the hell of buying a big dick without considering it. Packer companies will try to lure you into buying a bigger packer because they make more money that way. But don’t buy into toxic masculinity! There’s nothing wrong with having a small penis. There’s nothing wrong with having an average penis. 

The below graph shows the frequency of certain size penises in centimeters (Again, note- this is cm and not inches). (X)

image
  1. One study showed the mean flaccid penis length to be 3.5 inches (8.9 cm)
  2. A review of several studies found the average flaccid length to be 3.5–3.9 inches (9–10 cm)

Alright, I think you get the point. Flaccid penises aren’t as big as you might think they are. Now, I’m going to admit something: I currently have 5 packers, and they range in size from 3″ to 7.5″. I am not telling you that you can’t buy a big packer if you want a big packer; I have a large packer myself, and bigger can sometimes be better if you’re prioritizing using it for sex instead of daily packing. Yes, getting a smaller packer is usually better to start out with if you’re new to packing. But if you’re experienced with packing, if you just really want a big dick, or you plan on using it for sex, go ahead and get a bigger one!

And even though 3.5″ is the average flaccid penis size, there are people with larger penises! Penis size doesn’t correlate to your height, race, foot size, as some myths suggest. A smaller person could have a larger penis and a tall person could have a smaller one, the two variables aren’t dependant! 

The point of this paragraph is just to make sure that you’re making a conscious decision if you choose to get a packer that’s larger than usual knowing that it may be a bit unwieldy, not to police your packer buying. Some people have larger packers and they can pack easily with them and love them, and that’s a-okay. 

Spend time researching packers!

Look through different websites to see the packers available for purchase. Read reviews of the packers on forums and on Tumblr. Watch YouTube reviews of packers. Contact people about their packers and ask them questions if they’re open to it! This post is just a very cursory and topical overview of packers, it’s not all there is to know. Now you are aware of what packing is, but not fully informed on the pros and cons of individual different packers. There is so much out there on different blogs! Trawl the net, ask Dark Google what the best dick is (that’s a joke because different packers are good for different people depending on what they’re looking for so there is no one best packer but yeah, google ftm packers and stp packers and pack and play packers or whatever you want!) Make sure you know how much money you’re willing to spend buying a packer. Start to save up money if you’re broke.

Sidenote: Genitals can be a shade or two darker than the rest of your skin, so you might want to choose a packer one tone darker than your thigh. However, I urge you to be cautious with this- you don’t want a packer that’s way too dark for you! If you’re white, you shouldn’t be getting a black penis, that’s Too Far.

Some of the packers you could buy:

This is an incomplete list, and there are more options for packers/STPs/etc out there!! If the link doesn’t work, just google the product name because most of these are sold in multiple stores/websites (and send me an ask so I can fix the link). 

Also remember to look for reviews if you can find any, and comparison shop to see if the product is being sold anywhere else for cheaper or in different colors or something.

Soft Packers

STP Devices

STP Packers

Pack n’ plays and dildos/hard packers

Pack, play, and STP

Masturbation sleeves:

As always, comparison shop to see if the product comes in different colors elsewhere or is being sold for cheaper on another site- remember to calculate shipping!

Make sure you read multiple reviews before you buy a packer, because some companies are scams or just shitty. Three companies to avoid are below:

    Important Links:

    Buying a packer:

    Making a packer:

    Standing to pee:

    Once you have a packer:

    Pack ‘n plays and hard packers:

      How Do I Actually Buy One?

      Method one: You have a credit/debit card.

      1. Pick a packer online.
      2. Buy the packer. Clear your internet history if you’re at home and not using a library computer. Make sure the invoice is sent to an email that only you have access to.
      3. Either have it shipped to your house or to a friend’s house if your parents will be suspicious.

      Method 2: You have cash

      Open a private window on your browser and pick the packer that you want online, add it to the website’s shopping cart and start to check out until you find how much it costs with shipping and tax. If you don’t have access to a computer at home, use one at the library.

      Save up enough money to buy the packer. Make sure you have a few dollars extra for the extra fee of buying a prepaid card, which can be around $4.

      If you have a debit card but don’t want your parents to see the purchase, withdraw money from your account and use the cash to buy a prepaid card. You can say you just wanted to have some cash in case you needed it.

      Go into a store and buy a prepaid VISA gift card. They have them at lots of stores, even CVS. (You can also ask a friend to do this if you can’t walk/bike/get a ride to a store on your own). Prepaid credit cards require you to be 18 to open an account, but you can purchase prepaid gift cards at a grocery or other store at any age and use them wherever Visa, MasterCard or AMEX are accepted. These gift cards, which aren’t reloadable, usually carry an activation fee along the lines of $4.95 for every $50 increment. You usually find them in denominations of $25, $50 or $100.

      Figure out where you’re going to get it shipped to, since you’ll need to put an address when you buy it.

      • Ship it to a consenting friend’s house or an accepting relative, if you have one.
      • Ship it to your own house and try to get the mail yourself.
      • If the parent gets to the mail first, say you bought a present for someone. If you’re going the pretend-present route, order it near a real birthday for someone or a holiday like Christmas. You may want to go to a store in person first and buy an actual physical present to then gift to cover up that it wasn’t in the package. You could also ask a friend to lend you a shirt (or other item), tell your parents you won a shirt in a giveaway or bought it but decided to give it to a friend as a present, then give the shirt back to the friend.
      • Get a PO box if you’re going to be getting things in the mail frequently.
      • If you buy a cheap cyberskin packer on Amazon you can pick it up at an Amazon Locker at Whole Foods or a different location.

      Buy the packer online. Put the name on the card in the payment section of the website. Clear your internet history if you’re at home and didn’t use a private browser window. Make sure the invoice is sent to an email that only you have access to, or a disposable email (just google “disposable email” and there are a ton of options!)

      Hide it when you get it. Handwash it when it gets dirty. 

      Method 3: You have supportive parents

      1. Asking parents for a packer 

      Method 4: You have friends with a debit card and you have cash

      1. If you have a friend or supportive relative with a debit card or a credit card, ask them to buy the packer of your choice and ship it to their house
      2. Pay the person back in cash

      Please feel free to reblog with more information on packing, or more helpful links if you know any! 

      This post will be occasionally updated if new info is needed, so contact me if a link is broken. Last updated: 1/6/19

      Posted on November 19, 2019 with 5,696 notes
      Reblogged from questingqueer | Originally from questingqueer
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